THE MOVE

After much anticipation, the phone call came!  Dwynn was offered the position.  We immediately rented a home on fourteen acres, sight unseen from 1300 miles away.

We’re off to Montana!

At hearing the news, my friends hosted a wonderful going away party.  We stayed overnight in a hotel, played mahjong and noshed all night long.  I was given a beautiful new mahjong set, the newest Farmer’s Almanac and a cashmere cow print sweater.  I’ve still not been able to convince a group of four friends to consistently play mahjong each week.  Something ALWAYS comes up.  In the fall, it’s canning season, winter it’s chopping and splitting wood season, spring it’s birthing season and in the summer everyone’s just too darn busy, period!  Now, my Farmer’s Almanac has proved itself to be extremely useful.  Dwynn can check which day is best to catch which fish and in which river.  He also uses it to discover which insects are mating and where they are hatching.  I use it more for insect bite control while I sit by the river watching and ……waiting.  Lastly, to be honest, my new bovine finery did NOTHING for my figure but I did look more attractive to the local livestock when we arrived.  Where anyone would find or wear such a thing in San Diego, I don’t know!

Now my work really began… the daunting task of packing and moving.  OK, January 21, temps in San Diego, 79*, temps in St. Ignatius, MT -19*.  We are all VERY excited (not), why couldn’t this have waited until summertime?  Anyway, we didn’t own any appropriate clothing or outerwear to survive in these cold temperatures.  Purchasing the necessities wasn’t an easy task in SD.  I was able to find boots and a coat for each of us.  The rest we’d have to purchase when we arrived in MT.  Maybe we could go to that “upscale feed store” to purchase our Carhartt wardrobe.  That’s just what we did…It’s Dwynn’s favorite store!  We prayed for an easy few days driving through the harsh flatland's and icy mountain passes with no car or camper troubles.  There was a lot to accomplish and the kids were neither thrilled nor very helpful.

With three days left in the house, the movers found it necessary to pack and load all of our lamps and lighting first.  Of course the house had no overhead lighting which made packing extremely challenging.  The movers then advanced to the kitchen and promptly took all my chairs.  For the next three days, all resting consisted of sitting on the stairs in the dark.  Every time I turned around, something else was missing.  Not only did the movers grab and pack all the winter clothes I had just bought for the drive, but they loaded the parrot’s travel cage.  Had I been able to pack using light, things may have been different.  Slowly this was tuning into an aggravating disaster.  The movers were angry at me because for every two trips they made into the truck, I made them make one trip bringing things back out.  Unfortunately, these men were from New Zealand not Mexico and I could understand everything they called me.   

When hired, I was brilliant and got a “Not to Exceed” price from the executive who toured my house.  He estimated our belongings would fill 1 ½ trucks.  Well, they had to unload several boxes from the third truck to successfully find the bird cage.   We were now secure in knowing that Weezer, our parrot, would travel safely with us, screeching through all five states, in the front seat of the suburban, next to the heater AND me.  Our major feat was trying to keep him quiet through the expensive Mama Mia performance, which we snuck him into at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino in Las Vegas during one of our driving breaks.  Weezer didn’t cooperate!  Embarrassed, we were noisily escorted out.  The bird was not happy and obviously was enjoying singing along with the music.  They did however allow Alex to sit in their opulent lobby with Weezer while we watched the rest of the show.  The raucous nevertheless continued as Weezer sang along with his fellow parrot slot machines.

The trip to Montana was estimated at approximately 20 hours of driving through brutal below zero temps.  Our caravan consisted of Dwynn’s dually truck, packed with frozen meat in the pick-up, pulling the fifth wheel camper with my suburban following.  I have never seen frozen landscapes quite like this before.  Every single thing was solid ice covered in snow.  It looked exactly like you’d imagine the home of Queen Frostine in Candyland!  All I can say is thank goodness for cell phones.  I took every opportunity between each icy slope and dead zone to remind Dwynn of the current San Diego temperatures. 

Our traveling mishaps began with frozen kosher ribeye steaks hitting my windshield somewhere in Utah, then a frozen water pipe from the bottom of the camper just skimming my side-view mirror somewhere in Idaho, and then a lack of food and drink in Wyoming, other than frozen meat, due to the miles upon miles of uninhabited western territory.  This ultimately led to continued whining and more screeching for several hours.   These mishaps unfortunately made the trip an additional unpleasant 20 hours!   As the temperature warmed to a toasty five degrees coming down the mountains in Montana, we felt very fortunate to spot many soaring bald eagles and different herds of antelope and prong horn deer exploring the prairies.  They didn’t seem to be affected by the frigid temperatures at all.       

We finally reached our rental home at 9:00 at night.  We were exhausted and the movers were due to arrive early the next morning.  The boys wanted to sleep in the house on the cold floor and Dwynn, Chloe and I chose to sleep in the camper.  Being pitch black out, we were unsure what the surroundings looked like.  As soon as everyone was settled, the coyotes made their presence known.  They were so loud, it sounded as though there were millions circling the camper.  Chloe and I then dreamed of the cold floor in the house but wouldn’t dare step outside.  We couldn’t sleep a wink.  

At 2:00 am, we heard a suspicious car crunching the stones down our quarter mile driveway.  That scared us more than the coyotes!  I woke up Dwynn and we peaked out the windows.  Four armed men jumped out of the car, two were approaching the camper and two walked towards the house with their guns drawn.  I immediately called 911 and was asked my location.  I had NO idea where I was!  We prayed the boys had locked the house doors.  The police finally identified where I was calling from and put me on hold….  Then they informed me, it was the police surrounding the house.   Our caring and concerned neighbor a mile away, spying on us through a telescope, called the police and explained how we were setting up a temporary mobile meth lab!  I frantically asked the dispatcher to enlighten the plain clothed police officers of our intentions and request that they please withdraw their weapons.  Dwynn ran outside and spoke with them, the boys ran down to see what was going on, then Chloe and I went out to say hello and introduce ourselves.  We thanked the nice policemen for being so attentive and conscientious in our new neighborhood, and scaring the royal *#*% out of us!  The positive outcome from this was that, all this commotion made the coyotes leave and we could finally enjoy some sleep.             

WELCOME TO MONTANA, again!

I’ve tried so many different Brisket recipes and every time I experiment, I’m sorry.  So far, this is the best one that has ever come across our table in 27 years!

Shabbos Brisket

Serves 8

1/3 cup Ketchup

1/3 cup Chili Sauce

½ cup Brown Sugar

5 tablespoons of Onion Soup Mix

¾ cup of Beer

3-4 pound Brisket, first cut

Place brisket, fat side up in roasting pan.  Combine ketchup, chili sauce, brown sugar and onion soup mix.  Frost brisket with mixture.  Pour beer over top.  Cover and bake at 325* for 2 ½ hours or until fork tender.

     

OY VEY, I'VE LANDED IN MONTANA

I'm going to backtrack a bit and share just how this nice Jewish girl landed in Montana.  A few years prior to considering a move, I came on an unexpectedly ADVENTUROUS vacation with two girl friends to stay on a Dude Ranch.  We had more excitement and fear in five days than I'd ever had in 40 years!  The sky was big, the air clean and it was one of the most beautiful places I had ever visited.  To experience for the first time both sightings and a visit from a momma bear and her cubs, to be alone in the middle of a sudden micro burst wind storm where high winds and darkness appear instantly from nowhere in the middle of the afternoon, to blaze new trails horseback riding through the forest on steep slippery mountain slopes knowing that my four babies are at home waiting for me, hiking in 80 degree weather and instantaneously finding ourselves in the middle of a snow storm and white water rafting in incredibly high waters…..all in five days, was overwhelming, even for me!  Unfortunately, Dwynn wasn't with me but I kept thinking, boy, he'd LOVE it here.  If there was one place he'd want to live, it would be Montana.  Now, we lived in San Diego and I LOVED it there.  I had no intention of ever sharing my new found information about Montana with him!

Two years later, Dwynn was extremely unhappy living in California.  He was uncomfortable with all the crowds, external noise and commotion.  He really wanted to relocate somewhere less populated that offered a stronger connection with nature, specifically FLY FISHING!  After much, much, much self wrestling and tug-a-war, I finally shared my highly coveted information about Montana.  That evening, he found his current position offered on the internet. 
               

He was extremely, and I was sort of, excited about visiting Montana the first time for his job interview.  Being Jewish, moving onto the Salish and Kootenai Indian Reservation in an Amish neighborhood peaked my interest.  It seemed like an exotic thing to do. There was apprehension because I loved San Diego.  No two places could have more differences physically, socially and academically.  But that’s another three chapters! 

OK, I was up to the adventure.  We flew during mid-September, the most beautiful month here.  The "Big Sky" was a brilliant blue and perfectly clear.  As a treat, the pilot flew in at a low altitude and circled the mountains while the passengers enjoyed and soaked in the local view.  We landed in what looked like a hunting lodge but happened to be the Missoula International Airport.  As we entered, we were greeted by extremely large grizzly bears, cougar lions mounted from the ceiling in a threatening stance and several heads of wide-eyed deer, elk and antelope staring at us.  Dwynn was in daydream land and I was fretful.  

Our drive to the hotel should have been only 45 minutes.  After about 30 minutes, I realized we were no where near our destination.  Dwynn decided to drive along the rivers rather than follow the directions!  Needless to say, we arrived 2 hours late but found lots of fishin' holes.

Finally reaching St. Ignatius, we spotted the local grocery.  I needed to pick up some medicine for a cold that was brewing.  The store was very small and full of local color.  The produce section was limited but acceptable.   Being a cook, I was disappointed knowing that this was going to be my grocery if we moved here.  Photos of all the local young men and women who are serving in the military are posted on the wall.  One could tell it's a very patriotic and proud town.  We noticed many of the customers were tribal members who had maintained tradition by keeping their beautiful long dark hair braided down their backs.  

We mentioned to the check-out gal that we may be moving here.  After questioning us "why" she suggested that we move to the town, down the road about 40 minutes because they are getting a Really Fancy, Upscale Grain and Feed Store!  I was a bit concerned, to say the least.  

Unknowingly, the best was yet to come.  Driving down the road towards the new feed store, we found our motel.  This was obviously the nicest and ONLY one around.  We checked in at the reception desk and a nice gentleman gave us our key.  Walking to the room, Dwynn was leading and I was following pulling my suitcase.  He opened the door and stopped short.  Staring at something on the floor, I asked him what was wrong. He started laughing and explained a large snake was going to share our room with us.  I dropped the suitcase and ran to the front desk.  When I told the attendant what happened, he asked me what kind of snake it was...are you kidding?....like I know!  He followed me to the room and had me hand him a bath towel.  The snake had now slithered under our bed. After Dwynn moved some furniture, the attendant nimbly captured the snake and quickly identified the lil’ critter as a common Bull Snake.  He explained they are harmless, prefer to dine on Rattlers and frequent the motel when the mercury starts dropping.  I feel so relieved!  He takes the snake outside, comes back in and hands me the towel to use after my shower.  Speechless, I force myself to ask for a clean towel and a quick glance around the room to make sure the sociable snake didn't bring any friends and family with him.  Dwynn then suggested a possible room change, which we did do.     WELCOME TO MONTANA!

While in Montana we ate at this rustic steak house.  It was exactly like you would imagine a restaurant located in Montana to be. I ordered a salad that sounded very similar to one of my favorites.  This was a good sign!  Everyone always wants this recipe.  Enjoy!

Terra Chip Salad

Dressing:

1/3 Cup Olive Oil

1/3 Cup Red Wine Vinegar

¼ Cup Sugar

3 Tablespoons Ketchup

2 Tablespoons Grated Onion

Salad:

1 Head Romaine Lettuce

2 Bunches of Fresh Spinach (stems removed)

4 ounces Pine Nuts

6 ounces Slivered Almonds

½ Red Pepper

½ Yellow Pepper

1 Avocado (sliced)

1 small Red Onion (chopped)

1 small bag of Terra Chips (crumbled)

Combine all salad ingredients.  Add dressing and crumbled chips just before serving. 

Greenfield Acres: Laundry

Who ever thought one could write a whole chapter just on LAUNDRY!  Clean clothes have a whole new meaning and appreciation to me now.  Living on this mountain has given  me the opportunity to respect how many times something can be worn and still be considered clean.  In the "good ol' days" my cleaning woman always did the laundry.  It's such a thankless job that NEVER gets done.  Whenever I was washing the laundry, the kids had the audacity to be wearing clothes that needed to be washed.  Just once I wanted everyone in my household naked while I did the laundry so it could truly be done...never happened!  

Now I have the pleasure of using the laundromat.  The first time, I admit, I'm embarrassed at how unprepared I was.  I only had my checkbook in my purse.  Of course I brought my detergent but left the softener at home.  They had a coin changer machine that wouldn't accept checks.  After schlepping three trips of dirty laundry in, I had to leave to go to the grocery so I could cash a check, not realizing yet about the softener.  I schlepped the clothes back into my truck and left.  They didn't have enough quarters equivalent to my check but I figured it was okay because there is a machine at the omat.  I schlepped the clothes back in only to find that the machine is out of quarters.  In college we used to take a book of matches, rip off the head and stick the cardboard sliver in the quarter slots and use pennies.  It always worked great for four years.  I looked around and contemplated and decided I better not try that.  At this point not caring if somebody stole all our dirty clothes, I left the baskets on the counter and went again to another store, the liquor store!  They had quarters!!!

I loaded five machines, poured in the soap, looked for a dispenser for the softener, which I bought at the omat from their "buffet bar" of soaps for something like $10 an oz., stuck in my quarters and three of the five machines are broken.  Keeping my cool, I put quarters in other machines to make sure they worked and then transfered my soapy gooey clothes.  No softener dispenser.  I sat for 18 minutes and stared at each machine waiting for the little light to go on for the rinse cycle.  When the light went on, I poured my Downy in.  When the cycle completed and the machine stopped shaking twelve minutes later,  I opened  the lid to find all five loads stained blue because there wasn't enough water in the machine when I added the softener.  Never did the bottle say mix into water first!   

At this point, I decided to take all the wet clothes home so I could finally leave the omat, and hang them on my new clothes line.  It's a beautiful day outside so the clothes line sounds good.  I drive home with the windows open breathing in the "fresh spring" smell, not realizing how much dust is getting on the "clean stained" clothes from our dirt roads.  As I turn the corner I see in the distance, a small black bear feverishly chasing a young Amish boy on his bicycle.  The little boy is pedaling frantically trying to escape his wrath while all the bear wants to do is play, I think!  When the cub hears my truck, he takes off running in the opposite direction...towards our camper.  The boy sighed, gave a thankful wave and was pleased that he didn't lose his straw hat.

I carry the laundry to the line, looking cautiously over my shoulder with the dogs at my side.  In my new wicker basket are all of my new wooden clothes pins.  Of course thinking I have plenty, I run out...no big deal.  I'll just re-pin everything with one pin.  I still run out... okay I'll just drape the clothes over.  Then I run out of space on my line.  Frustrated, I just plop everything on the line and take a step back to survey my job.  I have five loads of blue dirty clothes hanging on a clothes line, five layers thick that will never dry.  I smile, pleased at my hard day's work and walk into the camper. 

That evening, I remove our bed sheets from the line.  They are supposed to smell "spring fresh" not!  Everything else is still damp so I leave it all to deal with later.  I make the bed and we climb in it to sleep.  After about a minute my husband starts squirming.  I ask him what's the matter and he says a bug is crawling on him.  I get hysterical and start feeling bugs also!  Nobody ever told me to vigorously shake out the laundry.  

The next morning feeling fresh and renewed, I venture out to my clothes line.  The clothes and towels are all board stiff and wrinkled!  I still can't smell the "spring fresh" aroma.  I need to schedule an emergency consultation with my Amish neighbors! 

After talking with friends about my laundry ordeal, I learned two very valuable tips.  The first one is to use hangers instead of cloth's pins.  Brilliant!  Things will hang straight without wrinkles and don't take up hardly any space.  Secondly, towels when dry are to be now used as an exfoliator.  Rub yourself when drying, the dead skin will be removed and your body is left baby soft and smooth!